And Also the Organization I’ve Been Running for 18 Years
The organization I have been running for 18 years has continued to thrive, even during the challenging times of COVID. However, after COVID, the competition between organizations grew intense, and jealousy began to surface. Many tried repeatedly to bring me down, making my life stressful and difficult. For me, money is not the measure of happiness, but of course, everyone needs money to live. Ironically, money can also be the root of jealousy, as people often think that success comes easily.
In reality, I’ve worked incredibly hard for many years, sometimes working nonstop, even through the night, dedicating every hour of my time. Yet, some people couldn’t match my determination to keep going and continue helping the people in Bali who truly needed support.
Even the Indonesian government has never acknowledged or appreciated the countless efforts we’ve made to help the people of Bali and Indonesia. No matter how many children Bali Indonesia we helping better life and education, and how many disasters I’ve responded to or how much real, impactful work we’ve accomplished in the country, it often feels like those contributions go unseen.
Let me tell you all the details of this story another time and return to when I first arrived in San Diego.
At first, applying for a green card here wasn’t easy. I had heard stories of people waiting for two to three years to get theirs. It’s not an easy process. I was grateful that I got mine in six months. However, there were sacrifices I had to make. Before my green card was issued, I wasn’t allowed to leave the USA. During that time, my father and I video-called every day. We would share stories about what we had cooked. However, because I had just moved to a foreign country and had fewer activities, I began feeling a little stressed. This was different from my life in Bali, where I was super busy and barely had time for myself, let alone my family. I was always managing YKPA.
Unfortunately, my father grew depressed after losing my mom. His kidney and diabetes issues worsened, but I couldn’t tell if he was joking or just seeking attention. I didn’t pay enough attention. I even hired a caregiver to take care of him while monitoring him from here. But suddenly, his condition became more severe, and he passed away.
I was devastated. My heart was broken. I didn’t know what to do. I had already prepared everything—clothes, suitcases, gifts I had bought for my father—but the green card restriction meant I couldn’t return to Bali. In the end, my brother Wawan decided to cremate him without me returning to Bali. I could only watch my father’s cremation ceremony through a video call with my aunt.
My heart shattered into pieces, and the regret I felt was overwhelming. As a daughter, I had done everything I could for my parents—I built a house for them, bought them a car and take vocation to Singapore with my mom and take to India for travel but now he was gone, and I couldn’t even see him. I don’t know what karma we must go through to endure something like this. Everyone in my village must have talked about me, but it didn’t matter—they didn’t need to know all the reasons behind this.
The past three years have been extremely difficult for me. My emotions have been unstable, and I’ve tried to cover it up in every way possible. It hasn’t been easy to move through life with a broken heart. This has often caused arguments between me and Michael. Seeing my son Gustu, who also experienced PTSD see lose our friend Jorgen suicide been give beautiful nice memory before he go on forever and was t far away from me, added to the chaos in my heart.
After the heartbreak of only being able to see my father’s cremation virtually, I tried to keep myself busy. I joined the Red Cross here, took part in training and volunteered. I also applied to volunteer at a facility that helps elderly people, but they didn’t accept volunteers—only employees. Since I didn’t yet have my green card, I couldn’t work officially. Finally, I started studying CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant), which is for caring for elderly people.
Eventually, I got my green card and a job as a caregiver at Wesley Palms, a senior living facility. At the same time, I wanted to expand my business here, similar to the one I ran in Bali: Love Bali Arts. But things didn’t go as smoothly as in Bali. Life here isn’t easy. Still, I keep trying. Until now, Love Bali Arts has been inactive for a year, but I haven’t given up.
Let me tell you more about my journey and work experiences here in the USA in the next story. Thank you for reading my story—please look forward to the next part.
